Just what I needed, Vampires
by book-chan
Summary: Vinnie owes a favor to someone and I get stuck with a skip named Faith Wilkins. She's gone and now in addition to Lulu I'm stuck with a one eyed carpenter named Xander looking for her. Now Complete
1. Chapter 1

A Buffy the Vampire Slayer/ Stephine Plum Crossover

This is a piece of fiction and none of the characters belong to me. Hope you enjoy it.

Prologue:

I grew more and more desperate as time past. I shouldn't even be chasing after this skip, it should have been Rangers! He was gone though once again so I got stuck with the hard cases and Lulu got mine. This time the skip was a female named Faith Wilkins, who had been charged with dealing in illegal weapons and had a bit of a rap sheet including several murders and some minor stuff. Vinnie had taken the bond he said in order to repay a debt he owed. Not even Connie knew what that was about and knowing Vinnie we weren't really eager to find out. Faith had missed her appointment with the court though and now I was being sent to bring her in.

When I reached the apartment where Faith was supposed to be staying I got a bit worried. The door had been left unlocked and the room had been ripped apart. I let myself in figuring I could always use the old stand-by and claim I heard someone calling for help and for once I would be telling the truth about the door being unlocked. I looked around the apartment but couldn't find out anything other that she had some strange hobbies, including collecting wooden stakes and ancient books in strange languages, and that the apartment had been expertly searched. Knowing I wouldn't find out anything else I decided to let Morelli, my whatever, who was a cop, know about the break-in.

"Hey, Morelli. The apartment of the skip I was chasing has been broken into and ransacked. And no I didn't do it this time." Stephine told him as she checked out the cabinets to see if she missed anything. "It's the 5th street apartments, apt #444. This Faith girl was certainly strange, Morelli. I keep finding weirder and weirder stuff."

"Wait, Stephine. You're in Faith Wilkins place? Morelli asked carefully.

I could tell from the way he said that real carefully that there was going to be something strange about this skip once again. "Yeah, I am. Why?" I asked him.

"Leave the room carefully. I'll be sending over someone who's an expert. Faith Wilkins, we've found out is involved in some pretty freaky stuff." Morelli said hurriedly. "Got to go, talk to you latter."

Before he could hang up though I made him promise to let me know what they found out. I don't know if I can trust that promise though. He's kept stuff from me before and this sounded like it could be pretty big.

Since this was my skip, I decided to stick around for the investigator. Surprisingly, he wasn't either someone I knew from the burb or someone I could pump for information. He did tell me dryly that he had heard of my reputation and that I could just stay away from what he was doing since it was really delicate. He did have the cutest British accent, but really there was no need to mention my reputation. Since I wasn't able to get any new info from him I decided to head back to Vinnie's and see if Connie had been able to dig up any new stuff about my skip.

When I got to Vinnie's there was a male I didn't know flirting with Connie and Lulu and doing a good job with it too. He had both of them laughing and smiling at him. He didn't really look like anything special from the back but when he turned around there was the shock, he was missing an eye. He was decent looking I noticed, but nothing to get me going when compared to Morelli or Ranger. When Connie noticed I had arrived she introduced me to him. Apparently his name was Xander and that he would be working with me to find out what had happened to Faith.

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	2. Chapter 2

There was something strange about this I thought while studying this Xander. Faith had just disappeared last night and missed her appointment this morning, so how did this guy know that she was missing? Xander himself was strange also. How did someone lose an eye in this day and age. Also once you moved past the loud Hawaiian shirt which was hard to do he reminded me of Ranger. They both had that LOOK, you know the one saying I may not be paying attention but I can still tell you everything that is going on in the room look. I was about to ask him how he got here so fast when Lula beat me to the punch.

"So, Ol One Eye, how did you get here so fast? This Faith girl just skipped this morning?" Lula asked as she dug into some donuts.

The guy grinned and said "Faith didn't check in with the council last night and when we gave her a call no one answered. In our line of work that's an immediate signal for someone to come out and take a look around. Since nothing needed to be fixed around the place and I get along best with Faith I got sent out. Faith is probably fine, she is more than qualified to take care of herself but better safe than sorry is our feeling. We prefer to leave a town standing."

Ok so this council they both work for must have been the one who called in Vinnie's favor. What in the world were they involved in? We got a one eyed fix it man, who it sounds like is also involved with the running of this council and looks like a serious fighter. Then they have a former murderer on the payroll and don't worry about her when she misses a contact but about the town still being here? Weird. Well if he knows her maybe he will know how to find her.

"Hey Xander, do you have any idea where Faith might be? My leads are looking pretty slim right now." I asked him.

"Hmm," he hummed. "She had finished the job here and was just waiting for the court case to be closed last time she called. Knowing her though she found a fight somewhere and got distracted. Did anything weird happen last night or any strange deaths lately?"

How did he know I wondered? It was all over the burg grapevine that 2 men had been found dismembered in the last two weeks at the Dive Pit.

"Yeah" I told him. "Once a week for the last two weeks a man has been found dismembered at the Dive Pit. Why?"

"Well our starting point should be the Dive Pit then. Faith always seems to end up mixed up in stuff like that." He smiled "She should be alright though. It takes a lot to put her down." 

Figuring that was as good a starting point as any I suggested we head out there. Lula of course would be joining me. She refused too be left out of anything as interesting as this and Xander would follow me in his car to the Dive Pit. Hopefully someone at the Dive Pit would be able to send us in the right directions, if they weren't too drunk to remember Faith.

When we got to the bar I was stunned to find it closed. The Dive Pit was a legend in the Burg for the fact that it never closed. Christmas, 9/11, fights, nothing no matter how much damage it took closed it, and it had taken some serious damage in various fights according to the burg grapevine. The only way I couldn't have heard about this would be for it to have happened late last night. 

"Yup, Faiths been here" Xander laughed as he got out of his car. "Fighting, destruction of property, mysterious deaths, there's definitely been a Slayer here."

Slayer? Now that's a new one for me. Just one more thing to add to the growing strangeness of this skip I guess. As I went about checking out the destruction. Hoping to find someone hanging around who could give me some info on what happened here, a familiar black Porshe drove up. I was surprised to see it here, since I thought he was still out of town. I wasn't going to give him this skip though. There maybe a lot I don't understand about this one but Faith Wilkins was mine now.

"Babe" Ranger murmured sending sparks straight down my spine. "What are you doing here? You didn't cause this did you?"

"No" I said as I gritted my teeth. "I'm here looking for info on a skip. Faith Wilkins, you know anything about her?"

"Faith Wilkins?" He said surprised.

"Yeah, Faith" Xander growled suddenly looming up from behind Ranger. "Where is she and who the fuck are you?"

Upon seeing that I definitely had to raise his threat level. I had only seen Ranger look that scary once before when facing down a serious threat to me. I wonder what Faith is to this guy really to cause that kind of reaction. He even startled Ranger which I thought was impossible.

Ranger reacted calmly, but you could tell he was surprised at having missed the threat this guy was when angered. "She's at my headquarters right now. I met her early this morning prowling around Stark Street looking for a fight and offered her a place to sleep. She was still sleeping when I left headquarters and headed here."

Why that caused Xander to smile and relax I don't know. Stark Street is one of the most dangerous area's in the Burg and for him to relax after hearing that she had been looking for a fight? Weird.

"Faith must have gotten too tightly wound from her fight here." Xander said happily. "She probably completely forgot that she had the appointment today or was supposed to have checked in last night with us. Well it's not the first time this has happened. Ranger was it? Why don't you take us to your headquarters. I wake up Faith, which is difficult job and Stephine here can take her in to the station to get rebonded and her court appointment if still needed rescheduled." 


	3. Chapter 3

brief author notes: Can't believe I actually finished a story. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it. Lula is Lula in these last too chapters instead of Lulu thanks to an anon reviewer. For some reason I got it stuck into my head that her name was Lulu. If you know of any good Buffy/Stephine Plum crossovers please let me know I think Stephine would be a hilarious Slayer. I didn't know of any demons from BTVS right of the top of my head so I just made one up.

Lula's practically jumping up and down in my car because she is finally going to see the Batcave. Me, I'm curious about my skip Faith. For Ranger to have offered someone crash space something must have happened.

When I arrived at Rangerman Headquarters, Lula was out of the car before I even stopped it. Xander and Ranger followed behind much more calmly. Ranger led us up to one of the guest rooms and let us in. I had previously only seen the picture of Faith on her bond file, it didn't do her justice. I had thought Jeanette was Ranger woman but Jeanette had nothing on Faith. Faith was dressed in tight, supple, black leather and just excluded sex appeal and danger. I could now understand why Xander was more worried about the town being destroyed than Faith being injured. From the way she glided over to greet Xander even I could tell she was a very good fighter. Her reaction on seeing Xander though prevented her from being too scary. Their conversation on the other hand, dang.

"Xander, Guess what?" Faith purred. "I'm closing in on your record of building destroyed. Just a few more and I'll have it beat."

Xander laughed and replied "If the building is still standing that doesn't count, Faith remember? Also Faith, getting me down here by not checking in on time to show off your destroyed building is not a good idea. You really worried Dawn and Willow, specially when you didn't show up for your court appointment this morning."

"What? It was this morning? I thought it was tomorrow." Faith grimaced. "Sorry about that. The fight last night was a lot of fun and I got to wrapped up in destroying the Plink Nest. You might want to check that out Xander and make sure I got them all. I think one or two may have escaped."

I found myself wondering what a Plink was and why one or two of them escaping was so important to Faith and Xander as they continued talking. As interesting and weird as I found this though I need to get Faith to the police station if I want my money.

"Faith" I interrupted them. "Hello, I'm Stephine Plum and I need to take you into the Police Station so that you can be rebonded since you missed your court appointment this morning."

"Oh, right." Faith exclaimed. "I had completely forgotten about that. Gimmie a min to gather up my stuff. I don't have to much on account of my apartment being broken into so it shouldn't take long."

I watched in shock as she gathered her stuff. Definitely a female ranger I thought as she gathered and put on a bunch of weapons. She must of had 3 knives, a gun, and several wooden stick things. Ranger looked on approvingly, Lula enviously and Xander, he asked her if she need some more since she was packing so lightly today. What in the world does the council do? We left Ranger at his headquarter since he said he had some more work to do and Faith and Lula squeezed into my car while Xander followed behind once more.

Wanting to get this case over and done with since the strangeness kept growing I left Rangerman Headquarters a little fast. I suddenly had to hit on the brakes though when this giant purple thing with horns leaped out in front of my car. Unfortunately I wasn't able to stop in time and crunched the front end of my car into it whatever it was. The hit didn't kill whatever it was but injured it enough for it get angry and rip off the hood of my car. Faith seemed to know what they were and as soon as she could she got out of my car and charged the purple thing saying something about stupid Plink Demons.

As she charged the Plink, I guess that was attacking my car Lula and I saw another one coming around the corner to attack Faith. I didn't have any idea what to do other than yell a warning to Faith but Lula pulled out her shotgun and starting firing randomly at the new one. Xander must have known exactly what they were, because we heard him yell everyone down. We all dropped and the next thing we know there's a loud bang and purple and green gunk starts raining all over the place apparently from the Plink since they weren't attacking anymore. Once it stopped raining gunk Lula and I got out of the remains of my car and let Xander herd us into his car once he put down towels on the seats so that we didn't ruin them with the gunk we were all covered in him. For once I was hoping to bring in a Skip without ruining either my car or getting covered in gunk. Guess this wasn't the case for that.

On the car ride to the station Lula and I tried to pump Faith and Xander for information on what that was. Ok so I wanted to know what it was, Lula wanted to know what killed it and where she could get some. Faith just laughed at us and told us that our clothes were still recoverable we would just need to soak them in whiskey for the next two days. When we arrived to the station Morelli hurried out.

"What happened Stephine?" He asked me. "Eddie reported that your car had been destroyed and that you weren't there so I was worried and here you are covered in some funky stuff."

"Nothing much, some crazy person attacked my car and sprayed us with something, but as you can see I"m fine." I didn't think he would really buy that excuse but I really didn't want to explain what had happened. "I need to go check Faith in though so give me a call tonight."

I went and got Faith and we straggled into the police station. To be honest I hid behind Faith in an attempt to avoid being seen and she strolled into the station as if being covered in green and purple goo was the latest fashion statement. I wonder if I can get that to work for me somehow, probably not. After I got my money for turning in Faith, she was talking to the reception desk. In another strange event apparently the charges against her had been dropped and she didn't need to be rebonded. When I asked Faith about that and she just shrugged and said that Xander would be taking her back to Cleveland as was there anything else I needed before she left? Not knowing what to say I just escorted her back to Xander's car. Before they left though she stuck her head out of his car window and gave me a piece of strange advice.

"Never invite anyone into your house, you might accidentally invite in a Vampire." She yelled with a strange smile as they drove away.

Vampires, I don't need vampires. I already have enough trouble with crazy skips!

Thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review, especially if you have any comments about the story or my writing.


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